Humbled

This blog is a way for me to share how God is moving in my life and yesterday He really moved! I guess I should tell some back story and hopefully you will continue to read even if this gets long and drawn out.

I always pray that God will convict me of things that are in my heart that need to be brought out and dealt with. I welcome conviction because I know that if it were up to me to point out things in my life that needed God's attention . . . . It might take awhile to get the courage to do it haha. And sometimes we don't even realize there are places of our hearts that are out of shape until we begin to work them, and then it's too late.

Over a year ago, a mom, of one of the girls in my group, won a contest and the prize was a Dave Ramsey study for youth. When she first brought it to me I sort of set it on a shelf and forgot about it. I didn't really see how it would benefit my kids spiritually. I have read his book about financial freedom and loved it, but just wasn't sure how it would work out for the youth. We just finished up the Amazing Bible Race before Christmas and really needed something to start with the first of the year. I got out the Dave Ramsey study and actually looked through it and just really started hearing God speaking to me about how bad we could all use the study. So, we started it 2 weeks ago. I've already referenced in one of my posts about how profound the study has already been just two weeks in. I know for a fact this study is what God wanted us doing at this exact time. This is why.

I would say starting in November I started having some anxiety about going to heaven. I know that sounds crazy and a little terrible, but every time I would hear a song on the radio that talked about being in heaven with Jesus I would start to panic a little. Not because I don't know that I will in fact be in heaven with Jesus one day, but that to do so I will have to leave my family. I know this still sounds silly. When we meet Jesus face to face one day the last thing on our minds will be anything about this world. But, the thought of being somewhere without my family just made my heart hurt. I am very attached to them. Some might say a little too much. haha I started praying about it immediately. Asking Jesus to show me why I was so scared to leave them. I asked for forgiveness for putting them first. I already told you about one of the activities we did last Wednesday night at youth, but I want to tell about another one. I had the kids list 10 things that they love in no specific order. Then I asked them if they had to give 3 things away to someone in need what would it be? And they had to mark 3 things off their list. Then I asked if you had to throw 3 more things into the ocean what would go? They marked 3 more things off of their list. Lastly, if someone stole 3 more things from you, what would you want them to steal? Three more things get marked off, leaving you with one thing on your list. Now, looking at the one thing left on your list . . . would you be ok living the rest of your life with only that one thing? This exercise may have been harder for me than it was for them! Of course I had God as the last thing on my list. But, I almost had a physical reaction to having to mark things off of my list. haha There were items that I did not want to give up and when I got to having to mark my family off it was really hard.

Looking at the one thing left on my list I knew God was showing me something. I'd been praying about being anxious about leaving my family and He was showing me so strongly that it's not just my family. I have become so consumed with this world. I've been choosing it over Him! I felt Him speaking so strongly to me that He has nothing to to with this world and what it can offer me. He is so incredibly much more than that. The things He has planned out and in store for me can't even begin to compare with what this world has to offer. I love my family with all of my heart. I would give my own life for any one of them. But, I could not live my whole life only having them. But, I could live my whole entire life with just my God. And not just live it . . . live it to the fullest measure. John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." This may be old news to many of you, but it's something that washed a fresh over me yesterday.

Something else that I have been praying about is meeting peoples needs. It's really hard for me to speak to people I don't know and you have to talk to people and get to know them in order to see if they have any needs in their lives that need to be met. Yesterday I was brought to my knees in humility. I was made aware of a situation that was happening right under my nose and I had no idea. But, because of someone else wanting to met her needs I was made aware of her situation. I won't go into detail to keep her identity private, but there is someone that is very close to me that has been hurting physically and emotionally for years. She doesn't have a loved one to take care of her and make sure that she gets the proper physical treatment. As I heard this story I was so ashamed. Ashamed that I've been so wrapped up in myself that I couldn't see that there was a need right in front of me that needs to be met. I know for a fact that God put this story in my lap. I've been praying for it and here it is. Now, what will I do? It's so hard knowing that there is a need to be met but you can't meet in financially. But, that doesn't mean the need can't still be met. One thing I have an unending supply of is prayers. I'm making a commitment to bathe her in prayer and let God work out the details. I am also making a commitment to get to know her better so that I can share the love of Christ with her. Can you imagine going to bed at night and not knowing that someone out there loves you and values you? It breaks my heart. As I drove home from work yesterday, it hit me that if I never get to move out of my apartment or buy a new car, that I would still be going home to luxury every day. How many things do we take for granted. How many days do we wake up always wanting more, when clearly we have way more than enough. God is obviously really working on me right now. I didn't even realize that I was materialistic or even cared about what this world had to offer. But, I forget how well God knows me and I'm grateful He's not finished with me yet.

It's such an amazing feeling to look back and see how God is working in your life even when you might not understand at the time. He always has a plan for us. And it's overwhelming when all is revealed. Nothing is more exciting than an active relationship with Jesus! Thank you for reading another very long post. I hope God will speak to your heart the way He did to mine!